


dance to my heart

by hiraethia



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Boys In Love, Introspection, M/M, Slow Dancing, With a side of angst, s o f t n e s s, winter formal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-13 23:16:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13580991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiraethia/pseuds/hiraethia
Summary: andrew always knew that he didn't belong, but he never expected it to bother him so much.





	dance to my heart

Andrew toyed with the boutonniere pinned to his chest, minutely trembling fingers running over the petals of the crimson carnation. He knew what it meant, and he knew why Neil had given it to him.

 _I think I might love you,_ he'd whispered with his ocean eyes as he pinned it to Andrew's suit. 

Softness and care were things Andrew didn't know how to deal with. He had hands made of scars and steel, fingers dangerous like knives, and Neil was the little bird nestled carefully between his palms - heart beating and wings fluttering. 

Though it was foolish, Andrew supposed. The only reason he'd made it this far with Neil was because they were both damaged and broken. They weren't scared of their sharp edges; they embraced them, even. Andrew wanted Neil because Neil wanted him back - because Neil understood him like the back of his own hand.

But Andrew was so terrified to ruin whatever thing this was between them. It felt too fragile, too delicate - unfit for either of them. Blossoms nestled against fiery heads and lips, bathed in the afterglow of star-studded skin and moonshine smiles. 

He'd run his hand over Neil's cheek as soon as he'd finished pinning Andrew's boutonniere, tugging him in for a harsh kiss.

 _I might too,_ he'd said back.

\-- 

Nicky was _too_ happy when he'd heard about Andrew and Neil's relationship. Of course, it was hard to hide their budding - _thing_ \- in the first place, considering the fact that Andrew and his brother lived with Nicky and Neil preferred not to stay with his overprotective uncle all the time. 

(Having the "hurt my practically adopted son and I will very delightedly cut your balls off" conversation with Stuart Hatford was _not_ fun. Neil's red face made up for it, though).

So when Neil finally asked Andrew to winter formal, where Andrew had been expecting an explosion, Nicky only smiled with a watery sheen in his eyes.

"Andrew," he'd said. "I'm so proud of you. Do you know this? I need you to know this. I'm so fucking proud of you."

He didn't know what the tight lump in his throat was supposed to be, but Andrew had merely nodded and told Nicky to buy some cigarettes on his way to get groceries.

Aaron's reaction wasn't much, but the fact that he wasn't throwing a tantrum or being outwardly disgusted was enough for Andrew.

He sat back down in his bedroom, wondering if his black armbands would fit better with a white or black dress shirt.

\-- 

"Neil is looking like a five-course meal tonight," Renee said playfully while she and Andrew swung from the swings in the otherwise empty park. Andrew snorted softly, following her gaze. Neil was currently talking with Allison, dressed in a well-fitted white dress shirt and dark blazer. His pants fit snugly to his runner's legs, and his unruly auburn curls were glossed back. 

The setting sun set his icy eyes on fire, turning them into pools of melted amber, and turned his freckles into flecks of gold. Andrew wanted nothing more than to push Neil down and kiss him hard and shield him away until it was just the two of them - 

Renee's soft giggle drew him out of his spiraling thoughts. Her gaze was trained on her girlfriend, who was currently fixing a few parts of Neil's hair while shaking her head disapprovingly. 

"You sound like Allison now," Andrew finally managed to reply.

His friend glanced back at him with a glowing smile. "I'm glad you're here, Andrew."

"Matt and Dan are here!" Allison announced. She somehow managed to run in her high heels across the sidewalk to where the couple was getting out of their car, throwing her arms around Dan's broad shoulders. Renee got up to follow her, while Andrew headed toward Neil.

"You look...good," he breathed as Andrew approached, his eyes roaming Andrew's black shirt and coat.

"Just good?" Andrew pulled Neil close, wrapping his fingers lightly around Neil's wrists. "Yes or no?"

"Yes. Always," he whispered back, meeting him halfway for a burning kiss.

\-- 

Andrew wasn't exactly excited for winter formal, not in the way everyone else was. His main issue was that there would be other people there. The place the dance was held at was beautiful, though, with a large garden and fountain along with a pretty big dance floor. Decked in neon lights and filled with shrieks of laughter and obnoxious body heat, it was everything that Andrew knew he'd hate.

But he went anyways, letting Neil hold his hand as they left the hallway.

Matt and Dan immediately took to the dance floor along with Nicky and Erik, and even Kevin, while Renee and Allison lingered back to steal a few kisses in the darkness. Aaron and Katelyn were still outside, probably waiting until the less trashy music started to play. 

Neil and Andrew stayed close to the wall where there was more room to breathe. They observed the rapidly gathering crowd, felt the floor beneath them practically jump with the combined force of stomping feet and desperate high schoolers.

They remained there for a while, on the outskirts of normalcy. Occasionally one of their friends would drop by and ask them to join, but Neil would politely decline with a softer smile. Andrew tried not to let his heart clench at the though of Neil depriving himself of an otherwise "token" high school experience just because Andrew didn't like crowds. It urged a faint flicker of anger within him, but mostly, it just made his throat tighten in that uncomfortable way again.

(Andrew hated crowds because there was no control at all. He didn't know if someone was going to lash out, grab his arm, or step on him. He had enough of not knowing, of relying on chance to get him through the day. It was suffocating and damaging to him, and he knew it).

"You can go if you want," he said to Neil after nearly forty minutes of just standing together and doing nothing. He had to raise his voice to be heard over the rough bass, but Neil only shook his head.

"I'm fine here."

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm serious. I'm okay." He smiled, bringing their intertwined hands up to his lips and brushing them over Andrew's knuckles. "I promise."

Andrew hummed quietly, squeezing Neil's hand.

\-- 

Everything was going fine until the slow dance started. 

All the couples that came together were joined at the hip, hands clasped in the air and chests heaving as they calmed down. The lights turned mellow, but still dim enough to shield the youth in darkness. Andrew could see Matt and Dan dancing together, her head pillowed against Matt's chest. Nicky and Erik leaned into one another, hands tangled together and pressed so close until zero negative space remained. Andrew spotted Aaron and Katelyn close by, along with Renee and Allison. They were kissing softly while swaying back and forth to the beat.

Neil was nodding his head slowly to the song, and Andrew was struggling not to tear open his chest to see just _what_ was hurting so bad in there.

He knew he didn't belong. He'd accepted that a long time ago. Andrew Minyard was never going to be normal, but he could maybe - _maybe_ \- be okay, and he'd just have to live with that. People would look at him and think _sociopath_ or _weirdo_ but it wouldn't bother him. Because he knew his friends, his _Neil_ , would accept him, and that was what mattered.

But he didn't know why it still hurt him this much right now.

He was a spectator to his own life. He always stood at the edge of a bubble encompassing all the passion and drive that everyone always ranted and raved about. He always watched the action but never took part of it, because he knew that he didn't fit in now, but there was no way in hell he'd fit in with that mosh pit. 

He was watching a movie, he was starring in it, and he was absolutely silent.

Something burned inside him, and he blinked it away. Neil noticed his movements immediately, a crease forming between his eyebrows.

"Do you want to go outside?" he asked, able to speak in a whisper now that the song had slowed.

Andrew avoided his gaze, thought over his options. He could stand here and wallow quietly, or he could leave with Neil and get his shit together. Throat tight and mouth twisted, he opted for the latter option.

They made their way out of the dance hall, the sound of the music dimming behind them as they stepped outside. A rush of cold air greeted them, a welcome relief to the stifling heat. Neil took him through the courtyard, still clutching his hand, until they found a secluded place surrounded by trimmed hedges and cut by a stone path.

"What's wrong?" Neil asked quietly once they got situated, standing close together under the light of a garden lamp.

Andrew forced his gaze away from the carnation pinned to Neil's chest, meeting wide blue eyes. Soft and golden, like a sunset right before it changed colors - beautiful. 

Undeserved.

"Were there too many people?" Neil asked again when Andrew remained silent. 

He knew that Neil would be expecting an explanation, but he wouldn't force it out of Andrew. The mere prospect of that was slightly comforting, just enough to make Andrew start talking.

(Maybe it was the dead of the night forcing the honesty from his lips).

"You should be there. Dancing. Doing whatever," he said, choppily, mincing his words. "Not babysitting me."

Neil blinked as he comprehended Andrew's words. As soon as he did, he started frowning, almost angrily. "Andrew, you're not burdening me."

"You are missing out," Andrew said. "You are missing out because of me, and you - you've already missed too much, and I will not be the person depriving you of anything else."

His heart ached distantly, and he looked away when Neil's gaze became too sharp, heavy enough to swallow him whole. His boyfriend shifted, hands grasping Andrew's and squeezing gently after a few minutes of silence.

"Then dance with me," he said.

Andrew's gaze snapped up to Neil's. "What?"

"Dance with me, 'Drew," Neil whispered softly, breath billowing into the night.

Winter turned to spring. Ice thawed into warm honey ichor, and the heavy weight settled on Andrew's chest lifted, just a little. He leaned close to Neil, breathing in him softly. Cherry blossom boy, ambrosia lips. 

Home, wherever.

(Andrew knew he wouldn't ever fit in, but he'd forgotten that Neil felt the same way).

((They were lost, they were lost)).

"Yes," he whispered back, one hand settling on Neil's hip and the other lifting their intertwined fingers. "Yes."

Neil rested his other hand on Andrew's shoulder, leaning close so that his lips brushed against Andrew's neck. He shivered.

((They were found)).

The music was faded and quiet from where they were standing, nothing but background noise. But Andrew was pressed close enough to Neil that he could feel his heartbeat, and that was enough. 

It was more than enough.

They swayed slowly, unhurried. Neil smiled softly when Andrew lifted their arms to spin him, falling back into him and resting his lips against Andrew's forehead in a tender kiss.

The night was cold, but they were warm - so warm.

"I like this better, anyways," Neil said quietly.

Andrew's fingers tightened, and he nudged Neil lightly. "They're going to wonder where we are."

"Let them." He pulled back, his eyes searching Andrew's. "Yes or no?"

"Yes." To this, Andrew answered without hesitation. He stood on his tiptoes so Neil didn't have to lean down, bringing their lips together reverently, kissing any hesitation out of the both of them and leaving behind only stupor. 

He whispered this against Neil's lips:

_I think I might love you._

Neil's answer came in the form of two calloused thumbs stroking his cheekbones, a tiny quirk of his lips against Andrew's.

_I might too._

**Author's Note:**

> lil thing i wrote inspired by my own experiences at my school's winter formal. (ok i literally enjoyed everything But the actual dancing - i spent the day with my favorite people and it was amazing and i loved it, but i was literally so uncomfortable on the dance floor. it was disorienting, really - i #projected just a lil bit onto andrew in here woopsies).
> 
> next update will be either whiskey and melancholia or the adult life series - this was a little break. :)


End file.
